Monday, July 27, 2009

Single or Married life?

I've been pondering the married/single life question for the past few weeks and am still to come to a real decision about what I want to do. Although I have always wanted to be married, have kids and a family I think that I may be too emotional for that kind of commitment.

Its not that I can't commit, but I've come to rely on myself. I feel like any disaapointments that come in a relationship are easier to deal with when you're unmarried. If you're married everything becomes more critical because you are legally bound to that person. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be in a committed relationship or even have children with a 'boyfriend' or 'partner', but if we weren't married, would things be less complicated? I don't want to end up divorced and bitter.

As a female, I'm less likely to have baby papa drama and I'm not even saying I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with the father of my children, but why should I legally bind myself to anyone. I have no problems with a common law marriage. The most relieving part is that if we WERE to separate, then it wouldn't be this great legal ordeal. Then again, maybe THAT is the true adventure/commitment of marriage, seeing if you can put up with someone for the rest of your life no matter what (damn! that sounds like jail, no wonder men have issues). I'm not saying this just for myself, I'm saying it for the other person too, my emotions may go nuts when I'm going through menopause, he doesn't have to put up with it.

Having the thought that there may be years of unhappiness in a marriage, but you stay together because you're married, doesn't really appeal to me. I understand that because you're in a deep friendship that you stick together, but what if it is unhealthy. I'm not keen on divorce, so I feel that the staying single may be an option that is viable. THAT and the fact that I have always taken care of myself and have no qualms about continuing to do so. I have yet to discover a person that I can rely on more than myself and highly doubt that I will ever find someone like that. Its a curious thought and a curious predicament. I guess only time will tell, but since I am so emotional, I'm sure that I will dive right in.


  1. If you believe in marriage, but aren't sure if it is right for you, I think the answer is to date someone for a long time. I'm talking 5-10 years before you get married. Try living together first and do a trial run of married life before making the commitment. By taking your time you will not only get to know someone better, but also will be able to test your compatibility over time because sometimes people change and as a result so do relationships. I think that may be why there are so many divorces and ppl get "stuck" in marriages. They dont take a long enough test drive. If you can co-exist for a long time period, then I think that is a good indication you can stand each other enough to get married and make it work through the tough times, especially when chances are you already went through similar situations while dating for more than 5 years. In the end, the point of getting married is the tax breaks! Just gotta put in the time to make sure that investment will sustain through menopause.

  2. I wouldn't mind getting spiritually married, but I think the whole legal thing ruins the romanticism of it. If they want to leave after 30 years, they should be able to without the government sitting over your head.