Monday, July 27, 2009

Single or Married life?

I've been pondering the married/single life question for the past few weeks and am still to come to a real decision about what I want to do. Although I have always wanted to be married, have kids and a family I think that I may be too emotional for that kind of commitment.

Its not that I can't commit, but I've come to rely on myself. I feel like any disaapointments that come in a relationship are easier to deal with when you're unmarried. If you're married everything becomes more critical because you are legally bound to that person. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be in a committed relationship or even have children with a 'boyfriend' or 'partner', but if we weren't married, would things be less complicated? I don't want to end up divorced and bitter.

As a female, I'm less likely to have baby papa drama and I'm not even saying I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with the father of my children, but why should I legally bind myself to anyone. I have no problems with a common law marriage. The most relieving part is that if we WERE to separate, then it wouldn't be this great legal ordeal. Then again, maybe THAT is the true adventure/commitment of marriage, seeing if you can put up with someone for the rest of your life no matter what (damn! that sounds like jail, no wonder men have issues). I'm not saying this just for myself, I'm saying it for the other person too, my emotions may go nuts when I'm going through menopause, he doesn't have to put up with it.

Having the thought that there may be years of unhappiness in a marriage, but you stay together because you're married, doesn't really appeal to me. I understand that because you're in a deep friendship that you stick together, but what if it is unhealthy. I'm not keen on divorce, so I feel that the staying single may be an option that is viable. THAT and the fact that I have always taken care of myself and have no qualms about continuing to do so. I have yet to discover a person that I can rely on more than myself and highly doubt that I will ever find someone like that. Its a curious thought and a curious predicament. I guess only time will tell, but since I am so emotional, I'm sure that I will dive right in.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Some new favorite things!

Chocolate covered honeycomb

The Pantry

Lambic Frambiose

Sally Hansen Salon Nail Polish

Kerastase hair products

There's always a new beginning

Sometimes I'm not sure what is going on. Minutes, hours and days go by and my brain continuously compiles all types of information that doesn't quite know where to go. Today, I'm irritable and I noticed that the people around me are just as confused as I am.
What I realize is that I know myself better. I know what I'm capable of and I am much smarter than the average bear. I was walking by the mall today and these Scientology folks were giving a stress test. What I want to know is what the hell are they going to do once they test it?
What is it that they want to tell me about my stress? That Ron L. Hubbard has the answer for me? I think not. How can someone that doesn't know me tell me how to release my stress?
I try to keep schedules, lists and stay organized, but life is just not organized. I'll continue to do the best I can, which is pretty damn good, but I am getting quite tired of all this stress, waking up super early in the morning and physically wearing myself out by exercising to reduce stress.
Everyday though, I seem to learn a little more about myself and what I can withstand and my potential. sigh. Well keep your head up and onward march. Early to rise and early to win!