I've let my fans down....

Ok, I probably don't really have any fans, but I've definitely let myself down. For the past year I have been struggling with (and depressed about) my weight...starting and stopping diets and just not really getting back to the way I need to feel and look to be happy. I use excuses like stress (which is a really big one), lack of time, my wedding (which is a really bad one), being tired and others to avoid really focusing on any particular plan. Yesterday, I decided NO MORE!

I know, I know.."we've heard this before, Ronjini, you always fall off"..Not this time my friends. yesterday I took the bold step of stepping on the scale, something I have feared to do for months now. Anyway...I can't tell you the embarrassment that is my current weight, but I can tell you have 22 pounds to lose..Can you believe it??? 22.

I don't want to, but I had to face facts. So, I got home, took a shower and went to the post-its. I got out my big fat Sharpie and wrote my weight largely on three post-its. I posted one on the refrigerator, one on the bathroom mirror and one right here next to my keypad on my Macbook. Now, I can't get away from it. Every week from now until minus 22 pounds, I will update my weight (hopefully it will get smaller), to keep my motivation fresh.

I'm cutting out carbs, excess sugar (but not sugar completely), sodas (but not fizzy water) and pretty much anything artificial. I will make healthy salads, eat tons of boiled eggs, tuna, stuff like I did the last time I had a huge weight goal (unfortunately that was only a 10 pound goal). And of course promising to work out everyday, twice if Tennis is one of the workouts (to me, Tennis doesn't count for some reason). Lately, I've been struggling on runs and I now think its because I weigh too much. Oh well, I'll check in soon and you'll see...don't worry... you'll see.

Adventures of a Chronic Dieter - entry XXX???

So my plan this week was to workout in the morning before I go to work. Morning - 2; Ronjini - 0. I did so good last week and don't know what happened, but with every exhale and piece of clothing I try on...FROM MY OWN CLOSET, my desperation for going to the gym gets worse.

I realize it takes a certain motivation and balance of time in life, but my energy has waded with this new puppy and the amount of work I do. Once I'm back on a schedule, I should be good. Maybe I'll set some short-term goals to kick start my momentum.

Goals for this week:
- Drink WATER, no soda (or minimal soda)
- Workout everyday for the rest of the week (Tuesday - Sunday)
- No eating lunch out (that's what kills me most of the time)
- sleep by 11, awake by 5
- no carbs after 7

This is aside from the dozen other personal things I should take care of, yay! Its Tuesday.

Allright folks, here I go again!

There's always a new beginning

Sometimes I'm not sure what is going on. Minutes, hours and days go by and my brain continuously compiles all types of information that doesn't quite know where to go. Today, I'm irritable and I noticed that the people around me are just as confused as I am.

What I realize is that I know myself better. I know what I'm capable of and I am much smarter than the average bear. I was walking by the mall today and these Scientology folks were giving a stress test. What I want to know is what the hell are they going to do once they test it?

What is it that they want to tell me about my stress? That Ron L. Hubbard has the answer for me? I think not. How can someone that doesn't know me tell me how to release my stress?

I try to keep schedules, lists and stay organized, but life is just not organized. I'll continue to do the best I can, which is pretty damn good, but I am getting quite tired of all this stress, waking up super early in the morning and physically wearing myself out by exercising to reduce stress.

Everyday though, I seem to learn a little more about myself and what I can withstand and my potential. sigh. Well keep your head up and onward march. Early to rise and early to win!